Wednesday 3 September 2014

The fish is off so what would you like instead, waiter asks Alex Salmond for hundredth time

Alex Salmond restaurant

Despite being told the monkfish special is not available, Alex Salmond is steadfastly refusing to give his waiter an alternative menu item for his lunch order today.

The stand-off is now entering its fifth hour, despite repeated pleas from the waiter for the leader of the SNP to say what he would like instead of his first choice, which simply isn’t available to him.

One eye-witness told us, “It got pretty embarrassing to be honest, the poor waiter explained that the monkfish was not an option for him, but Alex kept insisting he had a mandate that allowed him to negotiate his own lunch.”

“It sounds a little ridiculous, but he seems to think that including the word ‘mandate’ in his demand to the waiter automatically means ‘I can definitely have my own way on this’.”

“The restaurant said, multiple times, that the fish isn’t available and that he should tell them what he is going to eat instead – but he keeps saying there are plenty of things he could eat instead, but that he believes he can still have the fish.”

“He’s flatly refusing to say which of the other dishes he’ll actually eat, just that there are plenty of options he could eat. It’s getting tedious now.”

“The kitchen staff wanted to go home two hours ago, but now they’ve just got to listen to Alex listing menu items as examples of things he might want to eat if the fish wasn’t available.”

“Which he insists it most definitely isn’t.”

“I think he might starve.”

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