Friday 22 August 2014

Bloody war against high-powered vacuum cleaners ‘almost won’, claims EU

High powered vacuums EU rules

The desperate battle to rid the world of vacuums that are a bit more powerful than average is almost won, according to sources in the EU.

With new rules limiting the power of vacuums set to leave thousands of ‘power’ models unsold, the EU is claiming a massive victory in the war against people who like their carpets really clean.

After years of bloody skirmishes that have left both sides with innumerable casualties, the EU said the victory was finally in sight.

An EU spokesperson explained, “This has been a long, drawn out campaign, and one that will finally see a victory for the civilised world in which vacuum cleaners are limited to 1600 watts of power.”

“The tyranny of excessive wattage is over. Let us dance in the streets and rejoice!”

EU Vacuum cleaners rules

Pro-powerful vacuum militants have said the underground market for high-powered vacuums was already thriving.

As one explained, “I can you get anything you like, don’t you worry about that.”

“The EU might think they’ve won, but let me tell you now, there are numerous cells of high-powered vacuum providers across Europe, ready to strike at dirty carpets at a moments notice.”

Simon Williams of the National Vacuum Association told us, “They can take away my 2200 watt Miele when they prise it from my cold dead hands.”

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