Wednesday 30 July 2014

Ebola virus to be top sick-day excuse by this weekend

ebola sick day excuse

British workers looking for a cheeky day off have explained how the Ebola virus will be their excuse of choice moving forward.

After Foreign Secretary Phillip Hammond said the virus posed a threat to the UK, thousands of workers admitted it sounded like a good excuse for a long weekend.

Hammond said the virus could be imported the UK at about the same time the weather forecast said it was going to be quite nice on Friday.

Office worker Simon Williams told us, “I’ve got this cough, and it’s starting to feel quite Ebola-ish.”

“I’m really not sure I should come into the office for the rest of this week on the off-chance I cause others to catch a deadly virus and suffer a painful death.”

“I don’t know what the official policy is on Ebola, but I’m guessing it’s stay at home?”

Ebola threat to the UK

Sickness days are currently higher amongst women and old people, reflecting their propensity to believe everything they read in the Daily Mail.

Factory worker Sharon Bent explained, “The Daily Mail told me it was only a matter of time before an immigrant causes me to die from the Ebola virus, so I’m just going to sit here and wait for the inevitable.”

“With Ebola out to kill me – and everything I eat, drink or do giving me cancer, it’s pretty hard to relax right now.”

Employers have been left unsurprised by the working population’s ability to quote something they didn’t know even was a risk yesterday when calling in sick.

Employer Richard James told us, “The irony is, if my employees showed as much dedication to their jobs as they do latching onto the latest health scare I would happily let them work a three-day week.”

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