Friday 11 July 2014

Lost Royal Mail £1bn found ‘alive and well’ in investment bank client accounts

Royal mail lost 1bn

The £1bn ‘lost’ by the taxpayer during the sale of the Royal Mail has been found alive and well in the client accounts of the banks advising on the sale, according to reports this morning.

As public concerns grew for the missing £1bn, many experts suspected it may never be found until someone had a look at all the ‘preferred investors’ who were also advising the government over the sale.

Taxpayer Simon Williams admitted relief at the news, telling us, “I honestly feared that billion pounds was gone forever, but now it seems it’s been hiding away in the client accounts of the customers of the Investment banks that advised the government on the sale.”

“I’m so relieved.  If it had turned out that the massive undervaluation of a major public asset had led to everyone losing money then I don’t think I could have got over it.”

“So it’s good to know that millions have been made by the clients of these investment banks that bought the undervalued shares and sold them at a healthy profit.”

“I’m so pleased those billions didn’t get ‘lost’ after all.”

“Just think, if these banks hadn’t been there to help, god knows how many billions the government would have undervalued Royal Mail by.”

Post office £1bn

Financial experts have said that the missing £1bn is probably better off where it is anyway.

As one explained, “Look, the government would only have wasted that billion on things like education, healthcare and benefits.”

“But now the billion gets to do what any self-respecting billion does best – line the pockets of people who don’t need it.”

“It’s the Tory way.”

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