The nation’s rich people today announced that although the gap between themselves and the poor in the UK is wider now than 40 years ago, it’s still not nearly wide enough.
A new Government survey has highlighted ‘deep-seated and systemic differences’ between the haves and the have-nots, but this has not gone far enough to satisfy the nation’s super-rich.
Sickeningly wealthy 45-year-old man Tarquin Jumbley-Bowes told us, “We rich people deserve the right to go about our business without encountering all those horrendous poor people.
“But if the wind is blowing in the right direction, I can smell chip shops and shell suits all the way up my hill.
“I realise the Government is doing everything it can to keep a decent gap between us and them, but frankly it’s not enough.
“Why can’t they build special towns for poor people and make them all live there. It worked perfectly well for Bracknell, after all.”
Many wealthy people feel let down by Government policies which have allowed some of the nation’s poor to creep ever closer to their exclusive circle.
Another obscenely rich woman told us, “It’s awful, frankly.
“I listened to their election promises and the Government said they would do everything in their power to rid this country of poor people.
“I assumed this meant shipping them all off somewhere, or forced sterilisation, but on my rare forays into the densely populated areas it genuinely appears that there are even more of them than when they came to power.
“Is this what my taxes, well those I agreed to pay, go towards? Really?”