Wednesday 21 May 2014 by Gary Stanton

UKIP admits Wagner ‘wrong choice’ of carnival music

UKIP carnival

A twelve-hour performance of Wagner’s Ring Cycle at UKIP’s Croydon carnival has failed to win over neutrals.

With the sun beating down, event organisers had hoped to attract a wide spectrum of Nazis, far-right activists and former Daily Mail journalists.

But locals who turned up expecting a heady mixture of samba rhythms and calypso were treated to endless, deafening percussive sections reminiscent of an expansionist foreign policy.

The carnival also featured a number of brightly-coloured floats populated by blonde-haired youths and dedicated to the Norse god Freya.

While many in the crowd instantly recognised Wagner’s music, many admitted they found the long-dead anti-semite tricky to dance to.

Fortunately event organisers came up with a Plan B and before long attendees were jiving along to Godfrey Bloom’s Screwdriver mix tape.

UKIP carnival

Although the event was generally trouble-free, a handful of arrests were made due to the possession of Preparation H.

Police Constable Phil Jeffers said, “On the whole it’s been quiet. Incredibly, this is the first festival I’ve attended where there were actual complaints about the lack of stabbings.”

The Met later confirmed that a 79 year-old man was treated for heat stroke during the climax of Die Walkuere.

UKIP fan Simon Williams said, “This is pretty much the only UK carnival where you can celebrate youth and diversity while raising the thorny issue of the Sudetenland.”

Keen to stress the party’s non-racist credentials, UKIP leader Nigel Farage said, “I’ve urged people not to bring their own extremist literature along to these type of events.”

“There’s plenty available for sale on the stalls.”

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