Thursday 8 May 2014

Nigerian authorities rue lack of photogenic blonde schoolgirl

Nigerian schoolgirl abduction

Nigerian authorities have claimed it might not have taken three weeks to notice their 200 hundred abducted schoolgirls, if one of the them had been the pretty blonde child of white middle-class parents.

With international condemnation becoming commonplace a mere 22 days after the schoolgirls were abducted, Nigerian officials have suggested a lack of white children has not helped their cause.

A spokesperson for the region explained, “I’m just saying that two-hundred children were taken, we know by whom, and where, yet still the newspaper attention in the UK was focussing on one small blonde child that went missing seven years ago.”

“I suppose black kids don’t sell enough papers, eh?”

“I’m pretty sure that had the school had a couple of white kids, this region would have been swarming with Western journalists the following morning.”

“Swiftly followed by the SAS, Navy Seals and any other secret military resource used for foreign incursion and extraction.”

“As it was, we struggled on as best we could for nearly three weeks until it started trending on Twitter.”

“In the weeks after their abduction, we actually thought about pretending there was a white child in the group, in the hope you might take notice a little earlier?”

“But then we realised if you found out about the lie, the Daily Mail would then run a story about dirty lying foreigners, not the abducted children.”

Boko Haram abduction

The spokesman explained that plans have been made to prevent slow assistance in future abductions.

They went on, “To ensure swift international condemnation and support, we plan to include one photogenic blonde child in every class from now on.”

“Let’s see if it takes three weeks for you to notice and offer your help next time this happens?”

“However, whatever we do to protect our children, we know that if we want Boko Haram defeated they probably need to attack a building full of western banks, or find themselves sitting on an oilfield.”

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