Not being able to see for miles now an ’emergency’, claim Londoners

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London’s 999 service is reporting a significant increase in emergency calls from Cockneys who can’t see as far as they could yesterday.

Ambulance crews have been left exhausted after repeatedly visiting Londoners complaining of a restricted view of the city they live in.

Cockney Simon Williams told us, “I think I might have developed cataracts – everything seems a little foggy today, and I have a bit of a cough.”

“When I can’t see quite as well as normal my first instinct is to call 999 – why wouldn’t it be?”

“I used to be able to see the Shard in the distance, and now it’s not there! What is happening? send me an ambulance immediately!”

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Smog emergency calls

Ambulance crews have spoken of their dismay at repeatedly explaining to people what pollution actually looks like, before explaining that they are not going blind.

Paramedic Sheila Matthews told us, “It’s worse than dealing with my kids trying to get a day off school.”

“I really can’t see why people in the south have a reputation for being soft, can you?”

“Seriously, how this lot ever survived the Blitz I’ll never know.”