Tuesday 25 March 2014

Pope hails miracle of horse’s head ‘appearing’ in Vatican bedroom

Pope Francis Mafia warning

Just days after publicly criticising the Mafia, Pope Francis has hailed God’s intervention with the miraculous appearance of a horse’s head in his bedroom.

The Pope awoke on Tuesday morning just hours after telling the Mafia they were going to Hell unless they mended their ‘blood stained ways’ – to find a severed horses head on the pillow next to him.

The Pope told those gathered at the Vatican, “I thank God for this miracle, and for choosing me as the recipient of this Heavenly communication.”

“There are sceptics out there, of course, but there is no worldly explanation for the appearance of severed head other than via the divine intervention of our Lord himself.”

“He moves in mysterious ways, and this is indeed mysterious, but we must assume there is a message to us, his followers on Earth – and to me the leader of his favourite church.”

“A this time we’re not sure what his message is, but I’d like to think that he might appreciate some constructive feedback and maybe look towards delivering messages that require a smaller dry cleaning bill.”

“I suspect his message is something to do with the message that the head is nothing without the heart? Or maybe I need to spend more time watching the nags in the local bookies?”

Vatican mafia warning

A Mafia spokesperson sent a messenger to tell us that the church should read into the horse’s head whatever it feels is appropriate.

The message read, “Who would have guessed it, the church completely misunderstanding what’s happening in the world around them. How very unusual.”

“I’m guessing subtlety isn’t for them. God only knows what the next message will be.”

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