Thursday 13 March 2014

UKIP ark ‘will save us from gay marriage floods’, claims Farage

UKIP ark

As registrations for gay marriage begin across the country, UKIP has announced that its supporters will be saved from the inevitable flooding and extreme weather to come thanks to the UKIP ark.

With gay marriage set to become legal on 29th March, UKIP have been planning for months on how to deal with the inevitable deluge from the heavens once the first ceremony is performed.

A UKIP spokesperson explained, “The floods over the last couple of months were a warning, but they are nothing compared to what awaits us once same-sex marriage gets underway in earnest.”

“Fortunately here at UKIP we know what’s coming, and as such have been investing heavily in our own ark.”

“It’s been a time-consuming exercise, but we have always had the best interests of straight white people at heart, so it’s been worth it.”

“We have enough room for two of every animal – except those that have demonstrated homosexual tendencies in the wild – plus all of the indigenous population who want to vote UKIP.”

“The rest of you will have to drown with the sodomites I’m afraid.”

UKIP ark

Supporters of same-sex marriage have suggested that letting all the UKIP supporters set sail into the sunset in a giant boat sounds like a fabulous idea.

Gay rights supporters Simon Williams told us, “You’re telling me that they want to voluntarily leave in what is essentially an enclosed wooden prison of their own design? Sure, why the hell not.”

“Though I would like to be there to see the reaction when they land on a foreign shore and look to make a new life for themselves.”

“I’m sure they’ll be welcomed with open arms.”

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