Tuesday 11 March 2014

Pregnant great white shark only heading to UK for the benefits, claim UKIP

Pregnant great white coming to UK for benefits claim UKIP

The pregnant great white shark heading for UK waters is only doing so due to the lax attitude in providing benefits to foreigners, according to a UKIP spokesperson this morning.

UKIP’s immigration spokesperson Gerard Batten told reporters that the shark heading to the UK was just the latest in a long line of immigrants looking to personally gain from the overly generous benefits policies of successive UK governments.

He told those gathered, “I bet that great white shark thinks it’s getting job seekers allowance and a plasma TV – and it’s probably right.”

“Plus being pregnant it probably thinks it’ll jump to the head of the council house waiting list, which it no doubt will.”

“If we closed our borders and told foreigners they couldn’t get any benefits at all if they come to the UK, then that shark would be heading elsewhere, I guarantee it.”

“For too long the UK has been seen as a soft touch for the ocean’s apex predators, and something has to be done to change it.”

“Vote UKIP, and rest assured that only British born domestic sharks will get the help they need.”

Pregnant shark heading to UK

The news has left many UKIP supporters confused over which fish they are supposed to be against.

UKIP supporter Simon Williams told us, “They’ve been really sneaky, as foreign sharks look pretty similar to the sharks we get here.”

“They’re the same colour, and they don’t dress funny or use strange accents – which makes it really hard for me to decide which ones I hate.”

“And I have to hate things that are different to me, it’s the UKIP way.”

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