Friday 7 March 2014

Met police enquiry to search for organisation’s single redeeming feature

Met Police enquiry

Following the announcement that undercover police spied on the family of Stephen Lawrence, the Met Police has announced an a full enquiry that will seek to uncover at least one redeeming feature within the organisation.

With further revelations relating to the Metropolitan Police’s Special Demonstration Squad, the new enquiry will look to find just one thing the met police can point to with pride in the hope normal citizens will agree their actions were ‘good’.

A Met Police spokesperson told reporters, “We will leave no stone unturned in our search for just one redeeming feature inside our police force.”

“Altruistic behaviour and selfless acts by police on behalf of the public will have no place to hide once this enquiry begins.”

“Rest assured, that if there is anything, anything at all, that the Met Police can be proud of, then we will find it, and we will publicise it.”

“Budget is no issue, and if the search takes many years, then so be it. We are committed to finding something good we can point to.”

Met police enquiry

Residents of London have welcomed the enquiry, but insist the Met Police are probably setting themselves unrealistic objectives if they’re looking for examples of police being nice.

London Simon Williams told us, “I understand why they’re looking, but they might as well announce an enquiry looking for traces of rocking horse shit.”

“That said, a friend of mine told me that a policeman once held a door open for him in Dalston. Does that count?”

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