House of Cards spoilers more harmful than second hand smoke, claim office workers

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Office workers across the country have claimed the risk of exposure to House of Cards spoilers is far worse than the risk they faced when colleagues used to light up at the desk next to them.

With season two of the Netflix drama already being binge consumed by millions, there are fears in offices across the country that their own viewing experience will be irreparably damaged by exposure to second-hand spoilers.

House of Cards fan Simon Williams told us, “Sheila in accounts watched the first episode of the new series sat at her desk during her lunch break yesterday and literally screamed and dropped her cup of soup. Literally.”

“She looked at us with her mouth open and just mouthed ‘Oh. My. God’.”

“To be honest, I am more terrified of a colleague telling me what happens in House of Cards than I ever was of getting cancer from a colleague’s second-hand smoke.”

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“You know what, I would willingly accept smoking back in the office if they would enforce a blanket ban all discussions on House of Cards.”

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We asked a number of Williams’ co-workers for their opinion on the subject of House of Cards only to be met with closed eyes, fingers placed inside ears and loud shouts of ‘LA LA LA LA LA!”.

Finally Sheila from accounts admitted she was just dying to talk to someone about it.

She told us, “Oh thank God, you mean I can talk to you about what I’ve just seen without being threatened with violence or the sack?”

She went on, “Well, what did you think when she w…gmgmmgggggfffg,” before being buried under an avalanche of nearby cubicle workers who then threw her out of a fire escape.