Man United in David Moyes – Danish giraffe exchange deal

author avatar by 10 years ago

Manchester United are prepared to offer under-fire giraffe Marius The Second an eleventh hour lifeline in the form of a six-year managerial contract, according to reports.

The deal is reported to be worth a staggering twenty million and as many acacia leaves as the even-toed ungulate can eat.

The last minute reprieve is thought to be a sign that the Man U board is finally losing patience with beleaguered boss David Moyes.

With both specimens facing the axe, United may persuade the Danes by offering rough-haired Belgian Marrouane Fellani as a sweetener.

While the deal may come as a surprise to some, the Glazier family feel there is an overwhelming need to replace Sir Alex Ferguson with some kind of towering presence.

The five-metre tall ruminant has already impressed the Man United scouts with his uncanny ability to turn around game.

And with the World Cup just four months away, staff at Old Trafford have been instructed to avoid all mention of the three lions.

Man Utd in Giraffe move

As well as being popular with the club’s younger fans, Marius’ grazing habits could save the Glaziers up to 20k per annum in weed killer.

Moyes realised the writing was on the wall for his tenure when engineers bored a gigantic observation portal in the roof of the home side’s dugout.

Man U fan Simon Williams said, “Marius 2 is adept at avoiding predators so should have no problems driving though Salford.”

“Forget Fergie-Time. Welcome to Furry-Time.”

Meanwhile, Moyes will be installed in a specially converted pen at Copenhagen’s Jyllands Zoo where biologists will assess his suitability for breeding.