Smokers demand right to poison their children wherever they see fit

author avatar by 10 years ago

Smokers have reacted with outrage at the government’s plan to stop them breathing poisonous smoke into the lungs of their children when travelling in small enclosed spaces.

With a ban on smoking in cars receiving support across both sides of the house, smokers have insisted that government has no right to dictate where and when they poison their children.

Twenty a day man Simon Williams told us, “We supposedly live in a free society, so if I want to subject my offspring to proven carcinogens and other toxins, then that is my right.”

“No government has the right to stop me poisoning my children as I see fit. If I want to lock my toddler in a glass box and breathe potentially deadly smoke on him for hours at a time, then I should be allowed to do so.”

“Telling me when and where I’m allowed to poison my children is the nanny state going mad.”

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“They’ll be telling me I can’t beat them with my belt next.”

“Wait, what?”

Smoking in cars

Health campaigners have welcomed the move, and insisted that  the future legislation could have added unforeseen benefits.

Non-smoking campaigner Sharon Devlin told us, “Leaving smokers increasingly marginalised across society is an added benefit we didn’t really see when pushing for non-smoking spaces.”

“I think the history books will think of smokers the way we currently think of medieval lepers. Except without the pity.”

“Imagine a leper who you thought actually deserved to have leprosy. Yes, that’s how we’ll look at them.”