Monday 10 February 2014

London Zoo urged to consider feeding unwanted MPs to the Lions

MPs to be fed to the Lions

Following the success of Copenhagen Zoo’s programme of killing and feeding unwanted creatures to their Lions, London Zoo immediately announced a free shuttle bus from Westminster.

Despite extensive criticism in the press, Danish Zoo officials said that feeding unwanted giraffes to the Lions was an extremely effective and environmentally friendly method of disposal. Whilst also being a lot of fun for visitors.

As one explained, “It’s not for everyone, particularly not the squeamish – but the Lions don’t care whether you were foraging for leaves an hour ago, or simply removing a disabled person’s benefits. They’ll still happily eat you.”

Waiting crowds at London Zoo said it would be fine if zoo keepers wanted to skip the whole ‘humanely putting the creature down and chopping it up first’ bit.

Zoo visitor Simon Williams told us, “I’m here with the kids and I just think we’ve paid good money to be here, so if an MP is going to be fed to the Lions I think we deserve to see a little bit of a chase before getting to the really good bit.”

“This is incredibly educational for all the children gathered, and will give them a new-found respect for the way the democratic process should work.”

“It’s the circle of life, where one of society’s least useful creations is fed to something else whilst providing us with a few minutes of fantastic entertainment.”

“You know, if they play this right there are probably some TV rights in there somewhere.”

Fed to the Lions

Critics have said that a diet of MP could prove harmful to the Lions.

As one Vet explained, “Do you know how many calories are in an Eric Pickles?”

“Sure, he’s proven himself surplus to requirements in the last week or so, and he could feed a pride for a couple of months.”

“But it’s not like there’s much protein in there.”

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