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The floods affecting the country have finally been declared ‘important’ after the river flowing directly to the heart of London was affected.
With river levels along the Thames rising over eight feet in places, and with many celebrity homes and bankers’ properties in danger of succumbing to the water, the nation’s capital has seen a huge change in attitude to the floods.
As one Londoner explained, “A few fields in Somerset is one thing – I mean, it’s literally hundreds of miles away in a place no-one cares about.”
“When they put it on the news for a bit last week I just wanted to fast forward to the football scores.”
“But now we’re talking here about multi-million pound riverside homes belonging to some very influential people.”
“The water has got so high Bankers aren’t able to get to work – serious stuff and something must be done!”
“What will happen when it actually reaches London? Martial Law? We should withdraw all of this support for the little people dotted around the place and get them back here to protect us important folk in the capital.”
Flooding on the Thames
Meanwhile the rest of the country has admitted that watching London and the surrounding areas succumb to the floods should really be on pay-per-view television.
Manchester resident Simon Williams told us, “I honestly can’t think of anything better than sitting back with a bag of popcorn, a cold six-pack and watching cockneys flailing about in London in rubber dinghies.”
“With a bit of luck we’ll get to see Boris Johnson piss wet through and holding a mop before long.”
“If a few of them got swept out into the North Sea, then I could live with that.”
“Who knows, such a cleansing flood might leave London worth visiting again.”
