Friday 24 January 2014

Applications to be Justin Bieber’s cellmate top one million

Justin Bieber arrested for drink driving

Prisoners in the Florida penal system have formed an orderly queue one million strong to be cellmates with recently arrested Justin Bieber.

Despite only 100,000 people being currently incarcerated in the state, it appears 900,000 prisoners from around the country are willing to move to a Florida jail in order to be locked up for 20 hours a day with the Canadian pop star.

Insiders say the applications themselves are littered with phrases such as “fresh meat” “new fish” and “thinks he’s gangsta does he?”

As one governor of a Florida institution explained, “We’ve never seen anything like it. It seems Mr Bieber would actually be more popular on the inside than he is on the outside.”

“Each letter says they will make him ‘real welcome’ and ‘show him the ropes’, so that’s nice to see.  Even though some of these letters are from really awful people, so it’s a different side to them that should be encouraged by those of us with a remit for rehabilitation.”

“In fact George ‘Buzzkill’ Jones has literally murdered everyone he’s ever shared cell with, but he seems to think he’d make the perfect cellmate for Justin.  He’s gone to the top of the list should he end up here.”

Justin Bieber arrested

Inmates themselves have spoken of their excitement at the prospect of sharing a bunk with the teenage pop sensation.

As one explained, “This is a bit like when we got that Playstation last year, everyone wants to be the first to have a go on it.”

“I’m sure it’ll get passed around and you’ll eventually get a go, but it’ll be completely worn out if you don’t get near the front of the queue.”

“But we’ve all got to be careful that Big Bubba doesn’t get to go on it first – he’s a bit rough so he’ll likely break it and it’ll be no good to anyone then.”

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