Thursday 23 January 2014

Formula 1 announces plans to award half-points to drivers with initials SV

Bernie Ecclestone F1 rule change

Formula One supremo Bernie Ecclestone has announced plans to make the sport more interesting by awarding drivers half points for any race in which their initials are SV.

Ecclestone thinks the idea will help keep the championship alive for as long as possible after Sebastian Vettel’s recent tedious dominance of the sport.

He told reporters at a meeting of the sports bosses, “It is important that we keep innovating in our multi-billion dollar sport, and the best way to do that is to arbitrarily adopt some of the back-of-a-fag-packet ideas I dream up from the time to time.”

“Halving points for any driver with the initials SV is a great way to keep interest in Formula One right  to the end of the season, and should keep fans gripped to their televisions.”

“It’s a fair system, because if your initials are SV it doesn’t matter which team you’re from, you only get half points for any top ten finish.”

“All teams will be operating under the same rules if their driver has the initials SV – there are no favourites here in Formula One.”

Responding to criticism that the new rules were simply designed to stop Sebastian Vettel walking away with another world championship long before the end of the season, Bernie Ecclestone said, “I can do whatever I like, so sod off.”

Formula One rule change

Fans have expressed bemusement at the latest rule change, insisting that it is starting to look like Ecclestone is literally pulling new rules out of his arse.

As one explained “I get that it’s difficult to say no to a dwarf billionaire megalomaniac with allegedly criminal tendencies – but you’d think at least one of the bigger teams would have had the balls to say ‘no’?”

“His ridiculous hold on the sport has got to the point where he’s now just an underwater lair away from becoming a Bond villain.”

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