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George Osborne announced £25bn in further spending cuts, before being ushered by the public towards a massive hole in his finances below a sign saying ‘tax avoidance’.
Speaking in Birmingham, the chancellor said the economy was far from fixed and spoke of a ‘year of hard truths’ ahead, before holding up a picture of a ‘benefit scrounger’ and shouting “Booooooo!” at it for precisely eighteen minutes.
However members of the public pointed over his shoulder to the big gap in the nation’s finances entitled ‘£35bn of Tax Avoidance’ and asked if maybe that might be a good place to start looking for the required £25bn a year savings.
Osborne answered, telling those gathered, “Ah, I see, that’s an easy mistake to make. What you’ve done there is equated me spending less money on poor people who need it, with me receiving the money I’m owed from rich people.”
“I mean, why would I embarrass myself by asking my friends for money, when I can just give you lot less money and achieve the same result?”
“No, that tax avoidance hole isn’t really a hole – because the money isn’t ours if we don’t ask for it, and I have no intention of asking for it.”
£25bn cuts
Commentators have insisted that Osborne finds himself with an easy decision to make when looking for places to generate £25bn of revenue for the nation’s coffers.
Political analyst Simon Williams explained, “When presented with a choice between stopping rich people avoiding tax, or spending less on things like education, hospitals and poor people, then it’s really no choice whatsoever – for a Tory.”
“Also, did you know that coincidentally HS2 is going to cost £25bn? To build a thing pretty much nobody wants.”
“Just remember that £25bn HS2 figure, as I think we all know that predictions of cost so rarely change when big projects are underway.”
