Thursday 12 December 2013

Instagram Direct to see delivery of millions of sepia-toned genital pictures

Instagram has announced a new direct messaging platform where users will be able to privately send pictures of their genitals, framed using any number of elegant aesthetic filters.

Instagram Direct launches today, and will make the sending of pictures of your genitals more artistic than ever before.

A spokesperson for the photo sharing social network explained, “With Instagram Direct I can now send someone a picture of my penis and make it look like I had taken a Polaroid of my penis in the 1980s. It’s absolutely amazing.”

“Previously that photo would have been shared with all my followers, which made Instagram an almost entirely dick-free social network. This development changes all that.”

“Imagine if you wanted to send a cock picture to a girl you like, but want to pretend like you are some sort of art student, well now Instagram Direct gives you that ability.”

“Cock-pics will never be the same again.”

Instagram Direct

Technology analysts have said that new Instagram Direct service fills a gap in the social network’s functionality that has been missing from the lives of most socially connect perverts.

Social media consultant Simon Williams told us, “Ever since the first 0.25 megapixel camera appeared on a phone, photos of dicks have been shared between people at a rate we can barely comprehend.”

“Now phone camera users don’t have to rely on MMS, or the transience of snapchat – your lo-fi filtered knob-portrait will be there to keep and share with that special someone in the style you’ve become accustomed to.”

“Choosing a filter for your photo will take on a whole new level of significance, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see Instagram add a magnification filter any day now.”

“I know I’d use it.”

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