Parliamentary watchdog IPSA has insisted that if it doesn’t raise MP salaries to £74,000 there is no guarantee that MPs won’t carry on stealing.
Despite much criticism of the planned 11% pay rise, the watchdog insisted the move was absolutely necessary if we didn’t want parliament filled to the brim with convicted criminals.
An IPSA spokesperson explained, “We looked at the work they do, the compensation they receive, and how much money they would actually need to stop fiddling the system to line their own pockets.”
“And after extensive research we have put that figure at £74,000.”
“When you look at the cost of prosecuting MPs who lied about expenses, or at the cost of claiming back money from those MPs that misled people about their own expenses claims, then actually another eight grand per head isn’t that much.”
“So we see this as much about cost prevention, as we do about improving the pay and conditions of MPs.”
“Some people might say that paying criminals not to break the law is an unusual tactic, but we would say to those people, ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about’.”
MP pay rises
Many MPs have criticised the pay award, insisting it’s made it way too obvious just how far removed they are from normal society.
“It’s all so terribly uncouth to discuss one’s remuneration in the public eye,” explained one backbench Conservative MP.
“Having gone to the trouble of giving these watchdog people their nicely paid city jobs to look at how much we’re being paid, they have decided all on their own we need a bit more money.”
“I really don’t see what the problem is, or what business it is of yours?”