Tuesday 3 December 2013

Courageous Fast and Furious 7 producers to bravely profit from next film

The courageous producers of Fast & Furious 7 have said they will not let the tragic death of star Paul Walker stand in the way of their brave attempts to turn a profit.

As studio executives paid tribute to Paul Walker, they insisted that continuing to promote the movie across all markets in an attempt to reinvigorate the franchise is exactly what he would have wanted.

Producer Larry Goldberg told us, “We want all fans of Paul Walker to pay tribute to his incredibly legacy by buying a ticket to see the new Fast and Furious movie when it arrives in a theatre near you.”

“Here at the studio we are all broken up about the loss of our dear friend who could sell tickets just by smiling on the movie poster.”

“Sure, we could have done without the symbolism around the way he died, but you have to admit pretty much everyone knows that Fast and Furious 7 is almost in the can.”

Fast and Furious 7

Fans of the Fast and Furious movies have expressed their deepest gratitude to studio executives for letting them continue to spend money watching fast cars and stunts.

Goldberg went on, “Of course, it’s our pleasure, and if emptying their wallets on DVDs and other branded products is what helps them in their grieving process, then so be it.”

“What’s important now is that we move on in a way that Paul would have wanted, and he would never have wanted to disappoint the shareholders.”

“Paul Walker will be incredibly difficult to replace, but if you happen to be a very attractive blonde man then we strongly recommend you get your people to talk to our people.”

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