Monday 2 December 2013

Dappy’s horse to release Greatest Hits album

The horse which kicked singer Dappy in the head is to release a Greatest Hits compilation after fans said it was the best thing to happen to British music in years.

Music fans have insisted that the horse has provided just what the music industry has been lacking in recent years, and with a touring show that saw it repeatedly kick B-list celebrity musicians in the face it would sell out arenas by the dozen.

Music fan Simon Williams told us, “I haven’t bought an album in nearly five years, but I’d happily pay to see the kick to Dappy’s nose over and over again.”

“In fact, I’d happily pay fifty quid for a ticket to watch a horse repeatedly trample over any member of N-Dubz.”

“People might think this horse would be nothing but a one-hit wonder, but I disagree.”

“Maybe it could release a new compilation of vicious assaults each year? I imagine that by 2015 I’d be about ready to watch it kick One Direction in their combined throats.”

“They good news is that one thing the British music scene isn’t short of, is people you’d happily see attacked by a horse.”

Dappy’s Horse

Animal rights activists have said the horse in question must have suffered immense trauma to lash out at its owner in such a way.

As one such activist with several years of equine experience told us, “Horses are generally very gentle creatures.”

“But they do have ears, and in that respect they are much like humans in that listening to Dappy for any prolonged period of time is likely to be a deeply unpleasant experience.”

“We can only assume that the poor creature was exposed to one too many ‘Na na naaaa’s and silly hats and finally snapped.”

“So yes, I’d buy its album.”

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