Thursday 21 November 2013

You have to follow on Twitter to send direct messages, clarifies 10 Downing Street

Officials at 10 Downing Street have confirmed that following escort agencies on Twitter is the only way to send them private messages on the platform.

After reporters discovered that the Prime Minister was following at least one escort agency, a spokesperson explained that this was on the only way to send messages to them that are not publicly viewable by all your followers.

They spokesperson told us, “We followed the escort agency so we could discuss strategies on how to fuck members of the public – I mean, what better people to speak to about that than escorts?”

“But it turns out the only people they fuck over actually want to be fucked over, and they pay good money for it.”

“They were actually very little help in finding the best way to fuck over people who are trying to avoid being fucked over.”

“And a brief search revealed that we couldn’t find any rapists to follow. Trust me, we looked long and hard.”

Downing Street Twitter followers

The prime minister has come in for criticism for following the escort agency, with many insisting there is more than enough experience in fucking over the public inside his party.

Labour supporter Simon Williams told us, “I don’t know what they thought they could learn from the escorts? Maybe how to well-lubricate a cut in benefits to disabled people?”

“Or how to find the ‘happy ending’ in letting old people die of cold in the winter?”

“Or maybe this just helps explain George Osborne’s perpetual smug grin?”

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