Monday 11 November 2013

Miley Cyrus to drown kittens during next performance

Pop singer Miley Cyrus has announced plans to completely submerge a sack of kittens in a large pool of water during her next live performance.

The performer, who smoked a joint onstage during her performance at the MTV EMAs in Amsterdam, is said to be struggling to maintain her escalating image as ‘edgy’ and ‘shocking’.

Think Miley’s twerking is lacklustre? Well you can make Miley twerk below in this fun game from RoundGames – you can also play online at: Miley Cyrus The Game

Cyrus’ publicist and adviser Simon Williams told us, “There’s only so far you can go by twerking in a nude coloured bikini, or lighting up a joint up on stage.”

“If we want Miley at the top of every news cycle, then now is the time to step it up a notch.”

“If she wants global 24 hours coverage then she probably needs to commit a major terrorist atrocity, which with her access is definitely possible – but we’re probably 6 months away from that point.”

“Right now we’re confident a sack of wet, dead kittens thrown into the baying crowd will probably see her next album get to number one across the world.”

Miley Cyrus

Though some experts suggest the drowning kittens might be a step too far, they have admitted it is better than her other suggestions which included defecating directly onto the lens of whichever camera is filming her, eating her used tampon, and having sex with a dog.

However Cyrus has drawn plaudits for her EMA performance, with many experts claiming she is bringing new meaning to the phrase ‘that bitch is crazy’.

Entertainment writer Jermaine Desario explained, “The clear fusion of outright mental illness and public facing celebrity has never been more vivid than it is with young Miley.”

“In the age of social media her impending implosion will give us unparalleled insight into the mind of young person as she experiences a total mental breakdown in front of us.”

“And all before she’s 25. Mark my words.”

Previous post:

Next post: