Insomniacs across the country have announced their excitement that Christmas is now fewer than ten sleeps away.
Many have insisted that when the number of sleeps till Christmas can be counted on your hands, then it can’t be more than a few months away.
Insomniac Simon Williams told us, “I always look forward to sleeps till christmas coming into single figures, as it’s my favourite time of year – you know the leaves are turning a lovely golden colour, the summer is behind us and the nights are starting to draw in. It’s lovely.
“Admittedly nothing quite tops the feeling of one sleep till Christmas, and I have to tell you, that really is a crazy month in the Williams house.
“Sometimes I get so excited I hallucinate.”
Retailers have said the reason the shops are already chock-full of Christmas tat is to cater for panicking insomniacs who think they’re running out of time.
As one supermarket manager explained, “Sure, the clocks haven’t even gone back yet, but now is the perfect time to throw tinsel and crackers at you on every single aisle.
“Look, we wouldn’t do it if you people didn’t buy it. It’s entirely your own fault. I promise you.
“You think it’s bad now, you wait until we get Halloween out of the way.”
Insomniac Williams concluded, “Ten sleeps until Christmas might not very long at all to you, but on an even more exciting note it’s now only twenty-five more sleeps until the World Cup starts in Russia.
“And if we’re lucky, twenty-six until England get knocked out.”