Thursday 19 September 2013

Man with IOS7 walking around office like he owns the place

32 year-old office worker Simon Williams is walking around the office showing off IOS 7 on his iPhone 5 like he Goddamn owns the place, according to reports this morning.

After a frantic evening involving a three-hour download and multiple failed installs, Williams is telling anyone who’ll listen how wonderful his life now is.

“Yeah, I just installed it and now I’ve got it,” he told Sharon, the new receptionist.

“And if I make a mistake doing anything, all I have to do is shake the device. Which is cool, as I do a lot of that.”

Others in the office have pretended to be busy when approached by Williams, for fear of hearing how he can now add filters to his photos like everyone else has been doing for the last two years.

IOS7 released

Account Manager Dave Smith said he’d been approached by Williams twice already this morning over some pretence that he needed to show him how Siri was organising his dairy.

He told us, “I mean, he’s a junior accountant for God’s sake, his diary is filled with ‘put more stuff into spreadsheets’.  You don’t need a virtual assistant for that.”

“And like I told him, IOS7 won’t get him a girlfriend.”

Williams concluded, “Yes, but look at this, I can turn off wifi with a swipe of my finger.”

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