Private sector to add bars and music to ‘drunk tanks’

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The ‘drunk tanks’ proposed by police could offer lucrative new revenue opportunities, according to leading private sector operators this morning.

After senior police called for the implementation of privately run ‘drunk tanks’ to tackle alcohol-fuelled disorder, private sector firms said they would definitely be interested in running them.

Capitalist Simon Williams told us, “My interest in life is making money, not looking after people, so I would definitely like to run a drunk tank.”

“Anyone who has seen a drunk man at a bar knows that relieving him of his cash will be incredibly easy.”

“We could fill the drunk tank with mannequins and he’d probably buy them all shots.”

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“The best bit is we also get to charge them for leaving. Just brilliant.”

“As far as safety is concerned, you can take their belt and shoe laces, but they must be allowed to keep their wallets.  That one is a deal breaker.”

‘Drunk tanks’

People who enjoy a drink have asked if the proposed cost of a drunk tank, which will be passed to the occupant, will be less than a taxi home or a central london hotel.

Drinker Matthew Walsh told us, “If my choice is a £60 cab home, or £80 for a night in a Travelodge, then the drunk tank sounds like it might be a credible option.”

“If they price it low enough they might find the mid-week businessman crowd faking drunk and disorderly for a cheaper night’s sleep.”

“Of course, they would probably have to provide wifi first.”