NRA urges nation to focus on all the fun things that have been shot since last massacre

author avatar by 10 years ago

The National Rifle Association has sought to defuse tension surrounding the latest US mass shooting by asking everyone to focus instead on all the really fun things that have been shot since the last deadly massacre.

With 12 people dead in the Washington shooting, there have been renewed calls to ban the type of weapon used in the attack, and also in Aurora and Newtown last year.

However NRA spokesperson Wayne LaPierre said we should not be too premature in condemning the assault weapons themselves.

He told reporters gathered outside his favourite shooting range, “Sure, we are looking at three major mass public shootings in just over a year using the very same assault rifles you people want banned – shootings that have killed 51 people, including 20 children.”

“But you also have to look at all the fun these weapons have provided over that same period.”

“You’re all just focusing on the negative elements here.  There have been thousands of hunting trips, dead animals, pierced paper targets, loud noises, staged photos over large carcases etc that people would not have enjoyed if you had banned these guns.”

“Are the lives of fifty-one American adults and children really worth the fleeting fun of a few thousand gun enthusiasts?”

“Of course they’re not. We are probably two-hundred more dead children away from that point.”

“And if those murdered Americans could still speak I’m sure they would agree with me.”

“You wouldn’t ban Michelin starred restaurants if one of them gave you food poisoning, would you?”

NRA say ‘focus on fun’

In an effort to being the ‘fun’ back into ‘fundamentally unsafe environments’, the NRA is promoting its new Bring your Rifle to Work campaign.

LePierre explained, “What we need is lots of people going about their day surrounded by armed people who really, really, REALLY like assault weapons.”

“Then you’ll all see I was right all along.  Or at least you’ll shut up about it.”