Thursday 12 September 2013

Christopher Hitchens might have convinced God he is made up, admits Pope

After the Pope claimed that Heaven might be full of atheists, he also admitted that God could be beginning to doubt himself due to the incessant berating of Christopher Hitchens.

Despite a Heaven full of people who don’t believe in Heaven being far from Heavenly to most Christians, the Pope Francis was unrepentant.

He told reporters, “Heaven is open to all, not just people who agree with everything we say and do exactly as they’re told.”

“I know this is a bit of a change from what we’ve been saying for two thousand years, but we’re nothing if not progressive. Don’t laugh, we are.”

“Of course, there is a downside. That Hitchens chap was a pretty convincing guy, and he’ll have been up there nearly two years, so it wouldn’t surprise me if God starts each morning by looking in the mirror and asking himself if he’s real.”

Heaven to admit atheists

The news has also led prominent Christians to ask if they will be able to take their smuggest “I told you so” faces into Heaven with them.

Catholic Simon Williams told us, “I’m really quite happy about this news, because my one regret about Heaven was I wouldn’t be able to rub my atheist friends’ noses in it.”

“Because as a pompous Christian I really like telling people how wrong they are.”

“But an eternity with these atheist heathens does sound a bit much, right?”

“Are we sure the Pope didn’t mean atheists get a couple of weeks in Heaven before an eternity in a fiery hell surrounded by their fellow godless infidels?”

“That sounds like a much more Christian way of dealing with them.”

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