Friday 23 August 2013

Russia backs Syria chemical weapons probe unless used on homosexuals

Russia has backed the UN’s calls to inspect a site of alleged chemical weapons use, unless Syrian authorities confirm they were used only on homosexuals.

Russia’s Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov agreed that an objective investigation was needed, to ensure no heterosexual people were affected.

Lavrov told reporters, “Rebel forces must give safe passage to UN inspectors to areas where relations are only with the opposite sex.”

“I can think of no good reason why any party – either government or opposition forces – would look to use chemical weapons on normal, heterosexual people.”

“It’s extremely important we get to the bottom of this quickly.”

“So if President Assad wants to call to reassure us that these terrible weapons were only used on the gays, we can all go home for the weekend.”

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