Large numbers of morons actually believe the bright red shop signs that say 90% off, it emerged today.
With a number of furniture and carpet stores under investigation by the Office of Moron Manipulation, experts have claimed that morons and simpletons have never been more at risk from commercial enterprise.
Moron expert Simon Williams explained, “The classic moron sees only in bright colours and flashing lights, which is why they are so often lulled into buying things they don’t need, for sums they can’t afford, on deals that don’t exist.”
“Offer a moron an apple for a tenner and they will probably say no, but tell them it’s reduced from a hundred quid and they’ll probably want three or four of them.”
“Here at the Office of Moron Manipulation we believe in taking pity on the nation’s simpletons – they need our protection as much as the animals and babies.”
“If we didn’t look out for them they’d soon have their homes filled with DVDs of X Factor winners and Katie Price books.”
Furniture pricing probe
Furniture stores have hit back at the claims, insisting that the 90% off sofa you’re looking at was on sale at the full price – for seven minutes in a store just outside Macclesfield.
Carpet salesman Shane Matthews told us, “Look, we have to stretch the truth a little, because frankly no-one is going to pay a tenner a square metre for this stuff unless I can convince them it’s a steal.”
“We’re actually doing society a favour if you think about it. We’re redistributing the nation’s wealth away from the morons and into the hands of people who will spend it on champagne and BMWs.”
“It’s capitalism at its very best.”