Please don’t compare us to the Olympics, plead Glasgow 2014 organisers

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As tickets went on sale for the Commonwealth Games next summer in Glasgow, organisers asked that visitors please set their expectations accordingly.

With a million tickets available, organisers have said that anyone who had a ticket for London 2012 might as well watch it on television, if they can be bothered.

Box Office worker Simon Williams said, “This is Glasgow, which is in Scotland. You have to remember that.”

“Generally speaking, anyone experiencing a warm, feel-good factor up here is advised to check their arms for track marks.”

“We have been asked if can you hand back your tickets when you realise where Glasgow is – but no, sorry. If we want the athletes performing in front of an empty stadium, we at least want the seats paid for.”

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Sports analysts have said that Glasgow 2014 is likely to struggle to muster any enthusiasm from anyone who knows anything about sport, or Glasgow.

Tourism officer Michael Matthews explained, “It’s such a major event that Usain Bolt can’t confirm he’ll be bothered to compete or not.”

“Add to that the prospect of frostbite from a Scottish summer and suddenly a £250 ticket for the opening ceremony doesn’t seem such good value.”

However many Scots have said they’re applying for multiple tickets.

As one told us, “Anything where I can actively boo English people has to be worth the money.”