Arsenal to appease fans with launch of match-day Heston Bluemthal pie

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Arsenal have moved to appease fans airing their distaste at the club’s lack of big name signings by announcing the launch of a new match-day Heston Blumenthal steak & kidney pie.

The north London outfit engaged the culinary heavyweight to revolutionise the clubs match-day output by using the finest ingredients available to demonstrate to fans their volte-face on a policy of purchasing only sub-prime cuts.

The pie, which will cost £14, is viewed as a peace-offering by the club’s board, with each one guaranteed to leave the body without a protracted ‘will-he-won’t-he’ saga as soon as the transfer window opens.

A spokeswoman for the club, Sheila Mount, hoped the move would satisfy an increasingly restless fan base.

“Coming to a football match to support your team is so much more than coming to watch the results of your vastly wealthy club’s spending policy bear as much fruit as a desert planted cherry tree,” she told reporters.

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“Its far more about increasing their coffers through merchandising of another unknown African starlet, and scoffing pies as the side you supported since you were knee-high gets a whalloping.”

Mount went on to advise fans on their own spending plans.

“I can’t recommend enough the £4 Heston gravy sachet to accompany your Heston pie.”

“It really is a treat.”

Arsenal supporter, Charles Trump, felt the time had come to place the club’s board in a much larger, meatier pie.

“Just think how much could be generated for transfer funds if they were diced?”

“Usmanov and gravy sounds delicious.”

“What, £14?”