Russian president Vladimir Putin has looked coyly into a camera before removing his shirt in order to criticise the lifestyles of gay men.
Flexing his muscles under a freshly oiled frame, Putin said that Russia must be protected from the peril of men who like to take care of themselves more than straight men.
He told reporters that, “Homosexuals like nothing better than prancing around with no clothes on in front of other men.”
Puting then put one hand on his hip before pointing slowly at each male reporter in turn to emphasise his next point.
“And I am here before you now, well-oiled and shirtless, to tell you that we Russians do not approve of such people.”
“You gays and you sexually provocative ways, always showing your flesh and muscular physiques. It makes me sick, and want to take of my shirt to show you what a real man is like.”
“To those gay rights campaigners criticising me, I say this – I can ride a horse topless so your argument is invalid.”
Putin on gay rights
Russia’s stance on gay rights has put the Sochi Winter Olympics in danger, with the threat of a boycott still facing the organisers.
However Putin went on, “I say to any gay man listening, stand before me and I will wrestle you to the ground in a series of close proximity moves designed to demonstrate that I am right.”
“I will dominate you and hold you firmly against the ground, no matter how much you writhe around beneath me, until you agree my way is best.”
“Now, where is my man servant Sergei, I need a rub down.”