Wednesday 14 August 2013 by Formelia Alberthine

Rail passengers urged to ‘mind the gap’ between price of travel and quality of service

Following the news of inflation busting rises in fares for train journeys across the UK, the TUC has urged rail passengers to mind the gap between the price of travel and the quality of service.

The gap, which is already so wide it can swallow the average UK salary several times over, is set to expand exponentially over the next decade to offset the deficit created by shareholder dividends.

TUC spokesman, Charlie Monk, recommended train users sought other means of transport which provided a standard of travel commensurate with forfeiting large swathes of their personal wealth.

“When purchasing a ticket that costs this much, most reasoned citizens would assume they had been drafted on rare parchments in liquid gold, so I would urge people to think again before parting with their cash,” he told reporters.

“There are many other means of getting ripped off that provide a far more comfortable means of getting to work sweaty and late.”

“Limousines for example, are becoming a far more cost-effective means of getting to work.”

Ticket fare rises

Muggers who operate across the rail network have sounded a warning to travellers choosing to empty their pockets at ticket booths.

“Travellers who take it upon themselves to leave no cash for us will have to go to far more expensive lengths to get us off their case now,” said prodigious mugger, Arthur Hill.

“A daily travel card should be just the ticket.”

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