Tuesday 30 July 2013

Pope Francis still perfectly happy to judge Gays Got Talent

Pope Francis has clarified his comments on homosexuals, insisting he is happy to judge them when they perform on stage before him.

After being forced to clarify his comments by angry Vatican officials, the Pope said he would be delighted to be mean and bitchy to any homosexual who sang or performed in front of him.

Pope Francis went on, “Look, I’m a Catholic at the end of the day, so if I didn’t have the chance to look down my nose at a few homosexuals every now and again I’d probably explode.”

“Can you get me one with a dancing dog? They’re always really bad – so I could give them a proper piece of my mind.”

“I bet they’d put the dog in sequins, too. Ridiculous behaviour. Sinful, definitely.”

Pope on homosexuals

The Vatican this morning also sought to reassure Catholics everywhere that they can continue thinking of homosexuals as evil sinners, unless they decide to not give in to their urges.

An official explained, “What we’re saying to our followers is that if these gay men happen to take a vow of chastity, and then choose to spend their lives surrounded by other men in garish frocks and funny hats – but somehow stop themselves touching those other men, then that’s just fine.”

“Maybe they could stay in God’s good graces by finding some other release for those sinful urges?”

“Maybe a release that’s not explicitly mentioned in the Bible so is almost certainly OK in the eyes of the Lord?”

“And no, before you ask, there is no mention of altar boys in the Bible.”

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