Church to add Wonga funding to long list of inconsistent religious positions

author avatar by 11 years ago

Upon hearing that the Church of England actually funded the growth of a day after claiming it would put it out of business, officials have said we should just ‘add it to the list’.

The latest completely inconsistent position of the religious organisation has led many to claim the only consistent thing about religion is its inconsistency.

Former Bible reader Simon Williams told us, “The Christians are a very difficult group to get a handle on, especially when you read their two-thousand year old manual.”

“Love they neighbour – unless he’s gay. Thou shalt not kill, unless your name is Abraham and God feels like testing you – you know, that sort of thing.”

“I won’t even get started on the ‘give all your money to the poor whilst I sit on this gold throne’ stuff.”

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Wonga funded by CofE

Williams went on, “To be honest, giving money to someone you told us yesterday was evil is actually pretty low down the list when you look at it with a historical context.”

“Though I’m sure there’s a passage in their manual somewhere that can be interpreted to say inconsistency is the pathway to heaven or some such nonsense.”

Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby has spoken of his disappointment at the revelations, telling reporters, “Yes, I know I look a bit of a tit over this whole issue.”

“Can we go back to talking about the Royal baby now?”