Wayne Rooney left ‘angry and confused’ by own reflection

author avatar by 11 years ago

Manchester United forward Wayne Rooney has told friends that he has been left angry and confused by the Wayne Rooney who seems to be following him around Old Trafford.

Rooney has asked for a transfer from Manchester United, claiming he has to get away from the other Rooney who keeps surprising him behind closed doors and in the bathroom.

The England striker confided in friends, “He’s never there during the games, but then I go for my half-time plate of raw meat and he’s over the other side of the room eating the exact same thing.”

“He’s there at training whenever I’m getting changed, and I often catch a quick glimpse of him in the corridors at Old Trafford.”

“He’s even taken to following me home, and watching me in the shower.”

NewsThump Best sellers

“I’ve tried throwing things at him, but he always moves at the last-minute and I end up breaking a window or something.”

“On the bright side, this other Rooney has got less hair than I have. Someone should probably have a word and tell him he should just shave it all off.”

Rooney ‘angry and confused’

With Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho claiming he wants to sign the player, Rooney himself is said to favour a move to West London.

He told friends, “If this other Rooney anything like me then I don’t think he will know where London is, so I’m pretty sure a move to Chelsea will sort out all of my problems.”

“I said this to David Moyes, but he just sighed and said I should try reading a ‘book’ every now and again.”

“I didn’t want to say anything to him at the time, but there was another David Moyes sat down at the other end of the office.”

“Maybe he’d like to come to London with me?”