Saturday 29 June 2013

God listening to Mandela prayers, remains undecided

God has declared that he is hearing all the prayers for Nelson Mandela, but has yet to make his mind up on whether he’s going to listen. The great deity told reporters that the incessant pleading from the African content and beyond is starting to get a bit ‘samey’, and that frankly he hadn’t given Mandela’s survival much thought. He told an enthralled audience, “On the one hand lots of people want him to live, but on the other he’s a black African.” “I also heard that he’s sometimes perfectly pleasant to the gays, and you know what I think about them – well, actually you don’t – because I’ve never said anything directly about them, but don’t let that stop people telling you what I think about them.” “I’m just very busy at the moment, you know? What with helping all those millionaire footballers at the Confederations cup.” “Just because I’m omnipotent doesn’t mean I can do everything. No, don’t look that up in a dictionary.”

Mandela prayers

God went on to defend his ambivalent stance towards Mandela. He said, “Let’s be honest, the plight of black Africans has never been that high on my list of priorities.” “A cursory look around West Africa would tell you that – but with all these prayers I thought I’d take a quick look seeing as I was in the areas giving Aids to starving black babies.” “But I’m really not sure I can bothered to help – I guess you’ll find out soon enough.” “It’s not like he’s a white member of the Royal family – I was happy to step in and help there, obviously.”

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