Iain Duncan Smith ‘mad as a box of frogs’, tribunal finds

author avatar by 10 years ago

Work and pensions psychopath Iain Duncan Smith has been declared ‘two cans short of a six pack’ by a medical tribunal.

The panel reached the verdict after IDS insisted that policies designed to kill or maim the most vulnerable in society were merely for his own entertainment.

A team of experts led by Duncan Smith’s own doctor took just two hours to recommend his immediate transferral from his current job to a maximum security psychiatric hospital.

After being wheeled into an upright position, IDS told the hearing that benefit claimant suicides were an ‘existential exercise’ and that he is famous for the same ‘theatrical reasons’ as Hannibal Lecter.

“This whole face mask thing is pure Silence of the Lambs,” he told them.

And when asked why he pursued policies that led directly to suffering and death, Duncan Smith replied, “I wanted to see how far I could take it.”

Duncan-Smith ‘mentally ill’

The 59 year-old, who described his crimes as “recreational killing”, said: “I’m as pragmatic as a serial killer – you never see any remorse from Ian Brady or Tony Blair.”

“Bankers bankrupting society, the illegal invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan, people killed daily – that gives me a proper hard-on.”

Dr Cameron Boyd drew the hearing to a close by asking Duncan Smith to reveal the whereabouts of Yvette Cooper, the glamorous former Work and Pensions Secretary, who failed to turn up for the Andrew Marr show last Sunday.

“Poor darling Yvette,” he replied. ‘I ate her liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.”

“Fft Fft Fft Fft Fft Fft.”