Friday 10 May 2013 by Formelia Alberthine

Cruelty charges expected as swarm of grasshoppers subjected to Paul McCartney concert

Animal rights campaigners have called authorities to file charges of cruelty against Paul McCartney after a swarm of grasshoppers were forced to endure one of his concerts for a full ninety minutes.

The gig, part of the former Beatles Out There tour, is said to have contained potentially fatal levels of schmaltz, with fears that tens of thousands of grasshoppers have now been exposed.

Animal rights campaigner, Sheila Mount, was surprised at how McCartney had chosen to disregard the wellbeing of the creatures.

“Given his reputation as a vegan for preaching to the masses about doing this and not doing that when it comes to animals, I was shocked that he continued playing and wilfully subjected those grasshoppers to those god awful Wings ditties.”

“It just doesn’t bear thinking about,’ she told a local radio station.

“Alright, they’re insects, but this kind of attitude starts from the bottom up and he should have set a positive example by packing up.”

“I hope the Brazilian authorities will recognise the suffering those poor buggers were forced to endure and take appropriate action.”

Paul McCartney concert

Tour Manager, Trevor Stout, defended the musician’s stance, suggesting the grasshoppers had welcomed the opportunity to mingle with rock royalty.

“They were all over him like drunken groupies.”

“It was only when the first bars of ‘Mull of Kintyre’ that their wellbeing was genuinely placed at risk.”

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