Friday 12 April 2013 by Spacey

Margaret Thatcher was the first man on the moon, claim Tories

The Conservative Party have defended the cost of Margaret Thatcher’s funeral by insisting that her numerous achievements warrant a state-funded send off.

Listing her achievements, a Downing Street spokesperson said: “She was the first man on the moon, she was the first aircraft to break the sound barrier, she discovered penicillin and her performance at Live Aid will remain etched in the minds of all who witnessed it.”

The spokesperson went on to add that Mrs Thatcher, who died in luxurious surroundings as a guest of two notorious tax avoiders, “embodied everything the Conservative Party hold dear”.

Charles Moore, whose biography of Margaret Thatcher is to be released immediately after her funeral, was equally gushing in his praise for the former prime minister.

“Margaret Thatcher was referred to by many as the fifth Beatle,” he said.

“She rose from the humble surroundings of a grocer’s shop to defeat Apollo Creed to become the heavyweight boxing champion of the world.”

“Shortly after becoming the first person to break the four-minute mile, she set about directing the Godfather movies and building The Great Pyramid of Giza on weekends.”

Thatcher achievements

The size and cost of the funeral has become a controversial issue, but Prime Minister David Cameron has said that Margaret Thatcher’s estate will cover some of the cost.

“It’s entirely right that the nation should pay tribute to the woman who invented the Internet,” he said.

“Her family has offered to contribute, so the taxpayer will not be covering the cost of sausage rolls, ham sandwiches or mini scotch eggs.

“I can’t think of a better way of paying our respects than forking out millions of pounds on something that the majority of people disagree with.

“It’s what she would have wanted.”

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