Thursday 11 April 2013 by Formelia Alberthine

Thatcher to be buried at sea to prevent shrine for Eton alumni

Officials have confirmed that former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher will be buried at sea to prevent her grave becoming a shrine for Etonian alumni.

The original plan to have the former MP for Finchley receive a public service with full military honours at St Paul’s Cathedral has been replaced with a more circumspect departure befitting an internationally renowned woman of her notoriety.

A Whitehall spokesman confirmed the inspiration for the burial came from the US government’s approach to disposing of a similarly dangerous subject, Al-Qaeda chief, Osama Bin Laden.

“The thought of watching as 70% of the coalition government that attended Eton swanned off to verbally chunder thanks and admiration at the site could have brought the wheels of government to its knees,” he told reporters.

“Thats before you take into account the current students guaranteed to be informing government policy in the near future taking ‘time out’ to commend her having taken her own more final ‘time out’.”

“So we looked at the measures the Americans took to deal with the death of another highly polarising individual.”

“Unfortunately, there won’t be any pictures this time either.”

Thatcher buried at sea

The spokesman went on to outline the steps which be undertaken during the unceremonious ceremony.

“We plan to have her mummified with two tonnes of coal to prevent her resurfacing in a shipping lane.”

“It would be just like her to cause further harm to the well being of British people by halting the food supplies she tried so hard to suppress during her time in office,” he said.

“That should be more than sufficient to insure the mummy does not return.”

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