Daily Mail apologises for missing link between inherited wealth and murdering people

author avatar by 11 years ago

The Daily Mail has apologised for failing to notice that people from wealthy backgrounds who are likely to inherit significant sums of money, might also be murderers.

Stephen Seddon, 46, was convicted of killing his parents for a quarter of a million pound inheritance  in a story the Daily Mail failed to cover with the headline, “Vile product of affluent UK”.

Editor Paul Dacre apologised for the oversight, telling reporters, “We at the Daily Mail pride ourselves in drawing vociferous conclusions based on highly questionable evidence linked by wildly tenuous correlations – as yesterday’s front page about Mick Philpott showed.”

“Clearly we can link welfare payments and benefits to killing your children in a house fire, so how we missed this story about people with money killing people is anyone’s guess.”

“I would like to apologise to all of our readers for not telling them that Stephen Seddon is a product of UK’s truly awful culture of wealth accumulation and nepotism.”

Inheritance equals murder

Daily Mail readers have been left bemused by the apology insisting that ‘only poor people on benefits do bad things’ according to their own mail-influenced value system.

As Mail reader Brenda Matthews told us, “I don’t understand. Are you saying this Seddon man committed murder despite coming from a property-owning family with a bit of money in their pocket, and yet there wasn’t a welfare payout in sight?”

“Something doesn’t add up here. What does Richard Littlejohn think about it?”

However non-Mail reader Simon Williams told us, “In the US they had to make a specific law so that murderers couldn’t inherit wealth from the people that they actually murdered.”

“Let that sink in for a minute – it happened so often they had to make a specific law against it.”

“Honestly, wealthy people really are total shits.”

I think, therefore I am (not a Daily Mail reader)