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New Pope Francis I has begun what people are calling his ‘critically important’ papacy by telling Vatican workers they can wear what they like on Fridays.
With many claiming the Vatican is in crisis, Francis I has been quick to stamp his authority on Catholicism by introducing the sort of policy change the Catholic church would be allowed to make.
From the balcony of St Peters, the new pope told the gathered crowds, “We have a reputation for being a bit stuffy, holding back progress, child abuse, and then there’s the condom thing – but what better way to get started in changing the perception of Catholicism than with a pair of jeans and trainers on Fridays?”
“I’ve listened to the criticism we’ve faced over the years, and I know we must change, so why not change into something a little more comfortable before the weekend?”
“Look, I just want to show you that I’m just a normal guy, sat on a gold throne at the head of a multi-billion dollar organisation founded on a two-thousand year old book containing no verifiable proof whatsoever.”
Pope Frances I
Critics have said the move will weaken the church, at a time when it needs to convey strength to its billions of adherents.
Staunch catholic Simon Williams told us, “The church was never stronger than when it was burning heretics on a regular basis, so he could have brought that back in, couldn’t he?”
“Look, I’m not against moving with the times, but if he really wants to modernise maybe he could put the heretic burning on pay-per-view? I know they’re always looking at new revenue opportunities.”
“The important bit is that we get back to burning people who disagree with us.”
