Thursday 7 March 2013 by @coalitionfacts

Thousands of people affected by ‘bedroom tax’ unconcerned about definition of ‘tax’

After David Cameron dismissed concerns about the ‘bedroom tax’ by insisting it’s not a tax, the thousands of disabled people who will be affected by the loss of income have highlighted that defining what a tax is doesn’t feature too highly on their list of concerns.

Concerns have been raised about how thousands of disabled people will be affected by the housing benefit cut backs, but the Prime Minister remains defiant.

“Look, this isn’t a tax,” insisted Mr Cameron.

“A tax is something you pay if you are working.

“This is something that takes money away from people who aren’t working, so if anything, it’s a ‘bedroom punishment’ not a tax.”

“And I don’t mean ‘bedroom punishment’ in a way that George Osborne would appreciate.”

Bedroom tax

The meanings of numerous words have come into question in recent years as MPs attempt to bamboozle the public by redefining the English language.

“When relating to expenses claims, what would in any other area of life be referred to as ‘fraud’ is now referred to by MPs as an ‘oversight’,” explained one lexicographer.

“‘Necessary’ is now an action that is entirely avoidable and will inflict misery upon millions of innocent people.”

“We’re struggling to keep up!”

Below is a handy Government Jargon Buster:

DIFFICULT DECISION – A decision that will have no negative impact on the people making it, but will provide enormous difficulty for you

INQUIRY – Something set up to investigate wrongdoing, but subsequently ignored if it doesn’t reach a conclusion the government agrees with

EMPLOYMENT FIGURES – Flawed system to determine the number of people in employment which inexplicably includes people who aren’t employed

TRICKLE DOWN – The unpleasant phenomenon experienced by a vagrant when Iain Duncan Smith passes by and feels the urge to urinate

LET ME BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ON THIS – Statement usually followed by nonsensical ramblings lacking any kind of clarity whatsoever

RETIREMENT PLAN – The plan to make you work well into your seventies , so that the rich can have another tax cut.

JOB CREATORS – Profiteers who generate wealth for their shareholders by exploiting their employees and customers

THE MESS WE INHERITED – Phrase used when all other excuses have been exposed as being about as valid as Mokhtar Belmokhtar’s passport

WE’RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER – Phrase that attempts to create a sense of inclusivity, but in reality creates open-mouthed disbelief

FAIR – A word used by Iain Duncan Smith to describe welfare cuts which is comparable to describing Genghis Khan as a pacifist

EXPENSES – Something that MPs feel compelled to take even if they can afford not to. Like Anthony Worrall Thompson at a Tesco cheese counter

SPECIAL ADVISER – Someone who assists and advises ministers on government policy, e.g. Rupert Murdoch and Paul Dacre

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