Friday 22 February 2013

Birds Eye to rebrand as Horse Anus

Birds Eye to rebrand as Horse Anus

PR executives at processed meal manufacturer Birds Eye are to rebrand the firm using the more appropriate name ‘Horse Anus’.

The move comes after DNA tests showed that meals are more likely to contain the arse of a horse, than the eye of a bird.

Marketing Director Simon Williams explained, “The irony is that we haven’t used avian ocular organs in any of our recipes since the late 90s, so it was time for a change anyway.”

“We want consumers to know that here at Horse Anus we are committed to providing the very best ready meals at the very best prices.”

“Horse Anus is a name you can trust, and like Ronseal, it does exactly what is says on the tin – or box, or whatever.”

Birds Eye horse meals

Food analysts have welcomed the rebranding as a sign that the food industry might finally become as honest as they normally claim to be.

As Food industry expert Greg Matthews explained, “Honest branding would empower the consumer like never before.  Would you rather have a breakfast cereal that was called ‘Mostly Sugar’ or ‘Tastes Like Dirt’?”

“At least you’d have a proper choice to make, finally.”

“We welcome the move by Horse Anus, and we trust it will be the first of many in the industry.”

On news of the Birds Eye announcement, Iceland supermarket executives are said to be on the brink of rebranding the value chain as ‘Chavmeals in a box’.

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