Thursday 21 February 2013

Public sector prisons much more fun, claims prisoner think tank

Prisons managed by the public sector are far more enjoyable, prisoner groups confirmed today.

As a report by centre-right think tank Reform showed that private sector prisons run more efficiently and cost effectively, prisoners said the report completely ignored the ‘fun factor’ associated with long-term incarceration.

Prisoner Mike Williams told us, “All this talk of cost savings and efficiency really just glosses over the heart of the matter here – which is how much fun you can have whilst serving your sentence.”

“The last thing we need is private sector companies looking too closely at the bottom line when deciding how to spend money when locking us up – that would be a disaster.”

“This place would end up like a bloody prison.”

Private sector prisons

A spokesperson for Reform said their findings were unsurprising when you consider the priorities of private prisons.

They told reporters, “Efficiency is easy when you’re focussing on your monthly pay check and any bonuses you might get.”

“Performance is a little worse when it comes to protecting the public, because the private sector doesn’t get paid for that, which is why public sector prisons all rank more highly for ‘public protection’.”

“But then, really, isn’t the public a little too safe these days anyway?”

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